Is this a Joke?
by Dogedoos
Summary: NO! MY PRECIOUS BEAUTY SLEEP! I CAN’T DO WITHOUT MY 12 HOUR NAP! AND WHAT ABOUT MY BLACK HEADS’BEGONE FACE MASK? NOOOO!’ and with that, Draco ran out of the room, catching a slap around the head from Hermione.
1. Welcome to the House!

The last day of school, before the Christmas holidays. Children laughing, smiling, generally have fun, how Severus Snape loathed them...He rolled his eyes to his left, and out of plain boredom, watched Remus talking and gesturing wildly to an over-excited Filius Flitwick, who looked as if he would fall off his chair, for the forth time during that meal. Further along was Minerva, muttering something to Dumbledore, which made him smile. Madame Hooch, (Severus was pleased to see) was boring Poppy Pomfrey, apparently trying to convince her that The Montrose Magpies Beater, was in fact too old to play, and should therefore retire...for his own safety of course.

'The Grim draws ever closer, as your lifeline, shortens, my child. May I suggest burning Sage to hold it at bay??? OH! But wait...there is a clue here, in the shape of a-a.... a person? A young girl...and a boy, I suggest you avoid them, for the cost of meeting them could be your life!!!!'

'Thank you Sybil, for the...advice,' said Snape dryly, wrenching his hand from her grasp. 'I did intend to avoid _someone_, though, clearly, it isn't working. Also, if you could focus the sight on closer events, you will see that I need to grade three class exams, by tomorrow. Goodbye.' Snape stood quickly, and strode down the isle, towards the end of the hall. He paused to sneer at a group of Gryffindor first-years, before something collided with his head. He fell backwards, and landed on one of the poor girls knees, she squealed. Great, this was almost as embarrassing as the _incident_ last year. He had fallen in a _very_ compromising position on Miss Weasley. Something prodded him in the back, as he heard a timid voice say: 'Excuse me Professor, but...do you mind...'

Severus stood quickly, and looked around for the cause of his mild concussion. A small owl, which would have easily fitted into the palm of his hand, was twittering madly in the air, above a bowl of cereal. Judging by the mess surrounding it, the owl had landed in the Corn Flakes.

Severus' eyes, flew to the red envelop, in the tiny birds' beak. It was beginning to smoke in the corners. Who would send _him_ a howler? Snape yanked the envelop out of the birds beak, and skilfully opened it. He threw it into the air, and allowed it to shape itself into a mouth-like shape.

'SEVERUS SNAPE! DUE TO OUR NOT BEING PRESENT AT THE SCHOOL THIS YEAR, WE HAVE SENT YOU THIS HOWLER, HOPING IT WILL EMBARRASS YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH!' Snape glared around the hall, instantly recognising the voices of Fred and George Weasley. 'YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO TAKE PART IN A COMETITION CALLED BIG BROTHER: A WIZARDS' WAY! WE HAVE THOUGHT A GREAT DEAL ABOUT THIS, AND DECIDED TO INCLUDE HERMIONE GRANGER, DRACO MALFOY, AND NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM! YOU WILL ALL BE COMPETING AGAINST EACH OTHER, YOU DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE BUT TO COMPLY, AND YOU MUST ALL, NOW GO TO REMUS LUPINS' CLASS. THANK YOU.' The Howler exploded, leaving bits of ash in the young girls' hair. Snape shot the Headmaster an accusing look, and stalked off. Great, stuck in Moony's office, with 3 students, whilst listening to someone drone on...brilliant.

As Severus walked past an empty classroom, he heard mumbling, he waltzed around the door and said casually, 'Abit early, isn't it Fawcett?'

A scream and a yell, before two figures ran past Snape. '20 house points from each of you!' said Snape calmly, before turning back to the corridor. Those damn children, no... teenagers, couldn't control their hormones even at 8:30 in the morning! What was the world coming too?

When he reached Remus' office, he paused and took a deep breath, at least he was the first here. He opened the door, and stepped inside. He had to admit, it _was_ kind of homey. He peered in the rafters, and then looked suspiciously at the portraits.

'Ahem,'

Snape looked down, and saw the notorious Weasley twins.

'What?'

'Aren't you going to say hello?' Fred or George asked.

'No,' replied Severus shortly.

The door opened and the rest of the pupils came in.

'Hi guys! You must all be wondering why you're here? Well, we'll just jump straight in. We've decided to include you guys into a contest called Big Brother: A Wizards Way! You are all locked in a house, until we see fit to release you. Every few days, one of you gets voted off. The winner, is the last person, who hasn't been voted off, and they'll win 100 galleons.' At peoples disappointed looks, Fred said, 'What? You didn't expect us to give away all of our money...did you?'

'Dad put up cameras throughout the house where you'll be staying, so you'll be watched, wherever you are. The cameras are hooked up to Professor Trelawneys' divination, crystals. We have a portkey here, to the house, so, whenever your ready...'Said George.

'What about our things?' asked Malfoy.

'Already their. Come on people!' Fred pulled out an old boot. Everyone placed a finger on it except Snape, who looked at it in disgust.

'Come on Severus.' Said George, ignoring the deadly glare Snape gave him, grabbed his hand, and stuffed it into the boot. They waited five seconds, before, they all disappeared.

Almost instantly, their feet touched the floor in a small flat. Snape and Hermione were the only ones standing, the others, were all in a pile on the floor. Hermione walked around, what must have been the living room, because it had a TV in once corner, and a couch and a chair in another. She walked through an archway, into what was the kitchen, afew spider-webs covered the walls, and the floor was littered with broken glass, from the window, which was broken.

'Hermione?' came Freds' voice.

She walked back to the small group, and caught sight of a glint of glass in the dead rose bush. So, she'd already seen one camera. That would work to her advantage later...

'Everyone, Fred and I, would like to introduce you to Cammie Weir and Jacey Moor! These two ladies taught us everything we know, when we were in our first year! They're the mistresses of mischief, so you'd better be careful! They're gonna be here to spice up the environment, when it will undoubtedly become boring. (George said this looking at Snape.) They are contestants too, so, you can join the voters, and vote them off if you want. Right, so, now that you're here, you can get settled in. Your bags are in the bedrooms upstairs. Oh! And every morning, we'll send an owl to tell you to complete a task. Good Luck!' And with that, the twins disapperated.

The unusual group stared at each other blankly, Severus, slowly edging away from Cammie. This was a nightmare! He'd thought that he was free of her, it was unfortunately apparent that he wasn't Cammie calmly walked over to Jacey, and steered her out of the room. Draco glanced at Hermione and Neville, before walking over to Snape. Hermione and Neville looked at each other, sat down on the couch and switched on the TV. Trisha! Brilliant, Hermione loved this show! Neville was soon hooked as well.

'Us Slytherins' should stick together.' Draco whispered.

The two of them edged out the room and into the kitchen, where they ran into the 'Terrible Two'. The two girls stared at their ex-professor before trotting out of the kitchen, and up the stairs.

'So, what do we do now??' asked Draco.

'Leave me alone.' Replied Snape shortly, before pushing past Draco and walking up the stairs, with the intent of unpacking.

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'Good Luck!' The twins disappeared.

Cammie looked at everyone in the room, and noticed Snape edging away from her, slowly. After what he's been through with me, I'm surprised he's not running, thought Cammie. She spared a glance at Jacey, walked over to her, linked her arm and steered her into the kitchen.

'What?' hissed Jacey.

'I have a plan.' Replied Cammie, grinning wildly.

'Do tell!'

They were interrupted by Severus and Draco walking into the kitchen with them. The two young women stifled a laugh and ran up the stairs. They looked at the two bedrooms...yes_ TWO_! And chose the biggest, which held two double beds. On one of the beds, was a note. It read:

We thought it'd add some amusement if it was two to a bed, so...have a good night!

'This _should_ be interesting!' Jacey looked at Cammie, 'You and me? I'll try not to steal the covers!' Cammie arched an eyebrow, sighed and jumped on the bed.

'Can I tell you my plan now?'

'Fine,' said Jacey in mock anger.

'Since we're in the same house as Snape, we can get him back, for all those years of torture and for the poor kids he's teaching now...Fred? George? If you can hear me, could you come here please...'

At Jacey's questioning stare, Cammie added, 'We might need supplies.'

BANG! The door to their bedroom slammed open.

'Am I right in saying, that there are only two bedrooms?'

'And three double beds!' Said Jacey happily.

And who do I have the pleasure of sleeping with?

'You have a choice between Hermione, Malfoy or that Neville kid, or you might be able to bride me or Jacey...hint hint.'

Snape sighed, this was gonna be hard.

'Can't we just draw straws?'

'No, me and Cammie are gonna sleep together, unless you temp us with a bride, otherwise, you have a choice with the others.' Said Jacey

Snape advanced on the two young women, but was interrupted by a small cough.

Cammie excused her self, and headed to the bathroom in the hall. As she closed the door, she heard a _pop _behind her.

'You called?'

Cammie turned to face Fred Weasley 'Yeah, me and Jacey are gonna prank Snape, but we need some supplies, can you help...or is it against the rules?' asked Cammie

'Sure I can help, it all adds to the entertainment. Tell me what you want, and I'll give them to you tomorrow.'

'Make up, alcohol, art supplies and maybe you could hire someone to pretend to brake in, but only do that when Jacey and me steel everyone's wands...Attention, if anyone at Hogwarts can hear this, keep watching, because Severus Snape is going down!'

'Don't get too hyped up, cause he's coming down the hall to check on you, or so George is telling me.' Fred pointed to a bud of some kind in his ear. 'Bye!' And with that, Fred disapperated.

Shortly after he'd gone, there was a rattling noise on the door.

'Miss Wier! Have you got stuck? There are other people who need to use the Lavatory!'

From behind the door, Cammie heard a muffled laugh, and someone say, '_Lavatory?'_

She flushed the toilet, opened the door and came face to face with a questioning Snape.

'Um-it's _that_ time Severus, sorry.' And with that, she ran to her room, tears of laughter streaming down her face. Jacey soon followed, '_That_ was brilliant!' she gasped between breathes, she was also laughing.

'Well, the laughter had to start with something!'

'Yeah, but that_ was_ a bit mean to Severus...don't you think? I mean, he hardly knows how to react to _that_, does he?'

'Are you trying to make me feel guilty?' asked Cammie.

'Is it working?'

'Yes,'

'Sorry, so, what's first.... unpacking, or embarrassing Sevvie?' Jaceys' grin quickly faded as her question was quickly answered.

'I'd unpack if I were you _MISS _Moor.' He put the emphasis on 'miss' to jolt Jacey back to her school days. 'You forget who I am, and what I am capable of, when you two try...stuff.' He ended lamely. Cammie spun around quickly, only to find him directly behind her. She bumped into him and quickly backed up, again resulting in an embarrassing bump. Cammies' knees hit the bed, which she toppled over and landed on the floor.

'I'm fine!' came a muffled voice.

'Unfortunately,' added Snape.

'Hey! I heard that!'

'Obviously...' Severus sighed.

Jacey strode up to Snape, intent upon making him nervous. Unfortunately, it only resulted in Jacey cringing and his black eyes narrowed and he gave her a thin smile...he was _laughing _at her...at least she thought he was.... why was he smiling??

'Something funny..._SEVERUS?'_

If possible, his eyes narrowed even more. 'Miss Moor, I know the you're planning something...I don't know what, but, for your own safety, I suggest you do not attempt it, now, I was hoping to unpack, but since _you_ two are here, I'll refrain from doing so, until it is absolutely necessary.'

'Sev, you needn't do that, dear!' said Cammie, sniggering slightly.

Severus strode up to his ex-pupil, he bounced on the balls of his feet, and stated:

'Miss.... Cammie, please don't make this..._contest_ anymore difficult than it has to be please?'

'Right-o tiger!' she retorted.

Snape froze, glaring at the young woman infront of him.

'What did you ca-'

'TIGER!' Cammie and Jacey yelled in unison.

'ARGH!' Snape cried out in frustration. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, opened them again, and focused on his two _'friends'._

'_Why_ do you two insist on making my life hell?'

'Why do you insist on torturing Hogwarts Students?' asked Jacey.

'You are not students any more, I have not _tortured_ you since you left school.'

'Ok then, if we're not students, why won't you call us by our first manes?' asked Jacey

'Hey! He says _my_ name!' said Cammie.

'Ok then, _my_ name, why won't you say _my_ name?'

'Because, unlike your friend, you still don't know when you've gone too far in you _little_ jokes, thus, proving the logical answer, that you are not mentally an adult. And I don't know why I'm even bothering to explain logic to either of you!'

Snape sent a final glare towards them, before sweeping out of the room. He slammed the door behind him.

'Someone's got an attitude problem!' commented Cammie, a grin evident on her face.

'Wingardium Leviosaa!' yelled Jacey, hovering her clothes into the cabinet, next to her, Cammie called 'Accio!' She summoned her silver Serpent-shaped necklace and tied it on. Cammie then levitated her clothes into their own cabinet and unceremoniously shoved the suitcase under the bed, making as much noise as possible, anything to annoy her old Professor! She brought her head above the bed, and looked for Jacey. 'Ready?'

'Yeppers!'

The friends linked arms and skipped through the corridor. They skidded to a halt, as they heard bangs coming from the kitchen.

'-FRAIN YOURSELF PLEASE!' was heard through the floor.

'NO! I WON'T! I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT EPISODE BEFORE, IT'S THE ONLY FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT IN THIS-THIS SHED, AND YOU GO AND BLOW UP THE DAMN THING SO I CAN'T EVEN USE IT! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? DO YOU LIVE TO ANNOY OTHERS? IS THAT IT?' Cammie and Jacey ran down the stairs to see Hermione throttling Snape, who was turning purple. He sported a red hand mark to the side of the face and three scratch marks down the other. His wand lay forgotten on the floor.

'HERMIONE?!!' yelled Cammie. 'What are you doing?' She ran forward, and tried to remove Hermione's vice-grip from Snapes neck, from which, you could now see the veins pulsing angrily. Cammie's hands dropped to her wand, which she pulled out, took aim and yelled, 'Colloportus!'

Hermione fell to the floor, a look of intense rage pasted on her face.

'Jacey? Take her into the living room will you?' Jacey nodded, and levitated Hermione through the door. On the other side, Cammie could hear Neville Crying out in misery, Draco was laughing.

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Severus slammed the door shut, and stalked down the stairs, on which, he ran into Draco. Couldn't the boy leave him alone?

'What?' Snape asked shortly.

'I didn't ask anything Sir.'

Severus nodded in response, and waltzed down the last few steps, shortly followed by Draco. He whirled around, his robes billowing at his feet.

'WHAT?'

'Sir, we don't have any food in the kitchen...'

'Go and buy some then, I am not hungry.'

'But _that's _slave work! I'm not doing anything like that!'

'Leave me alone then!' hissed Snape, he brushed past the boy, and burst in on Granger and Longbottom watching a colour box...thing, Severus vaguely remembered it being called a TV from a muggle studies course he'd took with the Headmaster. He stood infront of it, and started when the woman on the screen said something about safe sex and pregnancy. He swung around to see the two Gryffindors on the edge of the couch, open mouthed and wide eyed.

'And, Sarah, what did Mike say, when you told him he wasn't the father?'

Snape turned back to face the TV.

'He-he-he dumped me and went out with my brother...he was gonna tell me earlier.... he's gay!!!' the girl in the box started crying.

'Well, let's bring on the brother and the boyfriend shall we?'

'Oh God, Why?' thought Snape. 'Miss Granger, I don't think you should be watching this at your age could you please-'

'GET OUT OF THE WAY!' Yelled Neville. He stood up and yanked Snapes' sleeve downwards, before taking his place with Hermione again.

'Mr Longbottom?'

'SHUT UP!' yelled Hermione.

Severus spun around, whipped his wand out, and took a deep breath, before something latched around his neck. Two hands could just be seen within his line of vision. 'Get off!' he said in a raspy voice. 'NOOO!' came a high-pitched voice. Severus' knees buckled as something collided with the back of them. His eyes squeezed shut as his head hit the wooden floor. 'You were gonna blow it up!' came Nevilles' voice.

A bang could be heard from the bedrooms.

Severus opened his eyes to see a head of bushy brown hair infront of him. Little prickles were beginning to be felt in the corner of his eyes, he reached behind his head and looked at his hand, which was covered in blood. He'd suffered worse from his Deatheater meetings. Severus took a deep breath and stood quicker than the two students thought possible. He directed his wand downwards. 'Expelliarmus! Expelliarmus!' The students watched in horror as their TV was destroyed. 'Stupefy!'

'Noooo!' yelled Neville, he started to cry. A crumpled heap at his teachers' feet.

Hermione, was filled with more vigour, and planted both hands around Snapes neck.

'Get off!' he spluttered. Somehow, Severus managed to stumble into the kitchen, throwing stunning spells over his head, only grazing Granger. From the living room, he could hear Draco had come in and was laughing at Longbottom. A hand slapped Snape around the face and he dropped his wand. He threw himself to the floor, and managed to flip Granger over his back. '

'MISS GRANGER, REFRAIN YOURSELF PLEASE!'

A hand came to the other side of Severus' face and clawed at him, 'This girl can fight!' thought Snape.

'NO! I WON'T! I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT EPISODE BEFORE, IT'S THE ONLY FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT IN THIS-THIS SHED, AND YOU GO AND BLOW UP THE DAMN THING SO I CAN'T EVEN USE IT! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? DO YOU LIVE TO ANNOY OTHERS? IS THAT IT?'

Hermione reached around and started to strangle Snape, moments before Cammie and Jacey came through the door. Brilliant. One of them knocked Hermione out, and took her into the living room, the other knelt down next to Snape and muttered a spell. He felt his vision clearing and could breath again.


	2. Can It possible get any worse?

'Are you OK?' came a soft, quiet voice.

'Get off me please.' Replied Snape.

The young woman, who was apparently Cammie stood back, whilst Snape got up.

'Your bleeding, do you need any help?'

'I'm fine. Leave me alone...' Severus felt the back of his head, it wasn't bleeding as freely, but hadn't quite stopped.

'I am not doing anything of the sort, here, I'll help you, come on, we're going up stairs.'

Cammie, gently held Snapes arm, in an attempt to help him stand, but she was shrugged off roughly as he stood.

'I SAID I'M FINE!' barked Snape.

'Mobilicorpus!' whispered Cammie. Five minutes later saw Cammie floating Severus up the stairs, carefully, so as not to bump his head on anything. They entered Cammies room, as they heard a fresh yell of anger coming from downstairs, Hermione had undoubtedly been released from the binding spell. Cammie placed Snape on top of the second double bed in her room. She released the spell and went into the second room to retrieve Snapes bags. She re-entered her room to find Snape checking his pockets. At her questioning look he stated;

'I've left my wand in the kitchen.'

'I'll get it in a minute,' Cammie, placed Snapes' bags at the end of the bed, walked over to her cabinet, and took out a vial. Snape gave a thin smile.

'After I left Hogwarts, I spent a year training as a healer in St Mungos' before I became an Auror. She pulled out the stopper and poured three drops onto the wound. 'This is nothing special, just phoenix tears, I always keep them in case of an emergency.'

Snape looked at her before slowly asking 'Where did you get this? The Headmaster?'

I own a phoenix, he's called Zipper, Aunt Minnie bought him for me before I came to Hogwarts in my first year, he's really sweet, I took some of his tears, you never know when you might need them.'

She offered the Potions Master a smile, before standing to put the vial back.

'Miss Wier, may I ask why you have brought my things into this room?'

'I'm gonna keep an eye on you tonight incase anything happens, like a comma, a stroke, a-'

'Ok I get it, anyone would thing you _want_ me to have those things...go down stairs and please keep Granger away from me, thank you.' Snape silently pulled a book out of his bag and began to read, on his bed, giving no indication that he new Cammie was still in the room. She walked over to the door, and came face-to-face with Jacey. She was holding out Snapes wand. Cammie shook her head and led her friend out of the room.

'We have our first wand!' she whispered. 'Now we just need to get Grangers-'

Jacey pulled out another wand, 'Nevilles?' She pulled out another wand. 'And Dracos,'

Jacey shook her head.

'Ok, well that's more than enough at the moment, I have a plan on how to get it though, wait here,'

Cammie snuck down the stairs, and pulled out one of Fred and Georges fake wands.

'Draco!' She called. There was a murmur in the other room. But no one came. 'Zipper!' She whispered to thin air. She waited.... Their was a flash and a handsome phoenix appeared next to her. He was slightly bigger than a swan, and that was quite unusual in phoenixes. Bright black eyes that held so much warmth. He had a slightly shaggy chest of feathers, and thick, scaly legs. His wings were edged in orangey, yellow, and on his head, was a tuft of red feathers, that stuck up, slightly more than the rest. She knelled down next to him and gave the bird a great big hug. Cammie whispered to Zipper and stood. 'Draco!' The phoenix disappeared as Malfoy walked through the door.

'What?'

'Put your wand down behind you, cause I want to show you this trick! Malfoy complied. He turned to face Cammie, as Zipper re-appeared, grabbed his wand and vanished. Upstairs, there was an astonished cry.

Cammie grinned at Draco and showed him the fake wand. He turned around, wide-eyed and saw that his wand wasn't there. He grabbed the fake wand, staring at Cammie,

'Cool!' was all that could be heard, before he ran back into the living room examining the wand.

'Thank you too...Zipper?' The phoenix flew down the stairs and circled Cammie, hold Dracos' real wand. 'Thanks Zipper. You're great.' Cammie grabbed the wand and ran up the stairs to Jacey. 'I've got the last wand, now where do we hide them?'

'In my trunk? I've got my invisibility cloak in it, I checked earlier, we can hide them in that...'

'Brilliant, thanks Jacey.'

The duo crept along the corridor, and stopped outside the room, there, they transfigured the wands into pencils.

'Do you think Severus will suspect anything?' asked Jacey.

'Definitely, we should give him the last fake wand. He was a spy for the order after all, he's got a brilliant mind...'

'OOO! CAMMIE HAS A CRUSH!' Screeched Jacey! She blew a big, wet raspberry in Cammies face and ran towards their room. Cammie sprinted after her as she hastily stuffed the wands-gone-pencils into her jeans pocket.

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'OOO! CAMMIE HAS A CRUSH!'

Severus slowly peeked over the top of his book, dreading the heavy foot-falls growing ever closer, he closed his eyes, as the door was thrown open, it banged inwards against the wall, and, as the person dived into the room, swung back and knocked them back onto the landing, outside. Severus opened his eyes took one glace at the minimal damage to his side of the room, he sighed, shook his slightly aching head, (it had stopped bleeding) and went back to his reading, as though nothing had happened.

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Cammie saw Jacey kick the bedroom door open, with enough force to startle an elephant into running. Jacey ran into the room, as Cammie came up behind her, but was stunned when Jacey fell backwards onto her. The door had swung back onto Jacey's face, and Cammie suspected a broken nose, as a groan reverberated off the damp walls. Jacey was thrown against the door as Cammie stood up, and towered above her friend.

'I DO NOT LIKE SEVERUS!' She yelled.

Jacey slowly stood, her hands hovering around her nose, blood streaming from her nostrils, tears streaming down her face. 'Yes... you... do!' She stammered. 'It's obvious...everyone knows.'

'WHAT!?'

'Did someone call me?' The bedroom door creaked open, and Snapes' greasy, black head appeared. He had returned to a normal colour, if you counted normal for Severus as a deathly pale, the bleeding seemed to have stopped, and he looked a tiny bit mad...

'Hi Severus, are you feeling better? I'm sorry if we woke you-' started Jacey.

'I wasn't asleep, I was attempting to read. What _is_ going on out here?' said Snape stiffly, and slightly confused. Jacey took a deep breath and was about to answer his question, when Cammie stepped infront of her, and said:

'Nothing! Nothing at all,' Cammie shot Jacey a glare, 'Why don't you go and rest? Oh! And here's your wand.' Cammie pulled out a fake wand and handed it to Severus, who took it without hesitation.

'I am going to go back into this room, I don't want to be disturbed, if I am, you will all be sorry, now...leave me alone.' Severus turned towards his room, stalked inside, and slammed the door.

Cammie twirled around and savagely gave Jacey the antidote side of a Skiving-Snackbox. 'I'm going downstairs, I DO NOT LIKE SEVERUS, Goodbye.'

Cammie whirled down the stairs, leaving Jacey on the landing.

'FINE, BE LIKE THAT!' Yelled Jacey, before laughing at the reason for their 'argument', this was all a joke. She ate the Snackbox and spelled her nose to fix itself with a crack. Jacey sighed and turned to her bedroom, 'here goes.' The door was opened and she stepped inside, stopping to look where Severus was. There was a faint humming noise, and the sound of running water. 'Must be in the shower...' muttered Jacey. She walked over to her bed and opened the cabinet on the left hand side, She'd bagged the best side, and let Cammie sleep closer to Severus. Jacey opened the draw, and pulled out an old book. It was full of useful spells, pictures of the end products, and spare parchment. Cammie flicked through the book and found what she was looking for. It was a photo that she cherished above all of her other belongings. It was a picture of Cammie and Jacey, in their fifth year, and had been taken during Christmas day. Jacey smiled at it, as the figures waved up at her. Jacey gently placed the photo into its pouch in the back of the book, and pulled out a book that she had bought at Flourish and Blotts that morning, A Treatise on Transmogrification. It basically covered difficult spells, and new theories. It also held an update on any new animagi and the history of the subject. She was so involved in her book, that she didn't realise the shower being turned off, and angry cursing, about the contest. The door opened, steam filtered out in the bedroom, and the bathroom produced a very wet, and towel covered Severus Snape.

'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?' He yelled in shock.

Jacey dropped her book as she fell over the side of the bed. She gave a short screech and cursed the wooden floor at being so...well...wooden! She sat up, and felt her eyes jolt out of their sockets. Snape was standing infront of her, wearing only a towel around his waist, his black hair, hanging in dripping rags at the sides of his face.

'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN _MY _ROOM?' Jacey yelled back. She covered her eyes with her hands and screamed: 'MY EYES! I CAN'T SEE, I'M MENTALLY SCARED, OH GOD WHHYYYY????'

Whilst Jacey acted out her _little_ scene, Severus was regaining his composure.

'Miss Moor, as I remember, we are currently sharing this room. We are...unfortunately roommates. We must learn to live in close proximity if we are to survive this...this...this blasted _contest_.'

Jacey's _thunder_ had subsided, and she was currently in stage 2, CHEST HEAVING-WINDING DOWN.

'PUT SOMEHING ON FOR GODSAKE!' she ordered.

Severus walked lazily up to her, and extended his arm towards her waist, Jacey pulled in a breath, and was about to retort, when a pair of pants were whipped out from behind her. Snape walked back to the bathroom, and carefully closed the door behind him. 'Nicely done Severus, that'll mess with her mind...' he thought as he got changed.

Jacey mumbled something incoherent, walked out of the room, slamming the door. It rebounded off the frame and banged off the wall.

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Downstairs, Cammie was talking to a still huffing Hermione and a slightly snivelling Neville, when Jacey stormed into the room, screamed and whirled into the kitchen. 'That's my cue!' said Draco, before whipping out of the living room, and going after Jacey. Cammie, Neville and Hermione listened to mumbling, silence and then a groaning noise. They just caught sight of Draco, as he hobbled up the stairs, and out of sight.

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Draco skidded into the kitchen and gave Jacey a dazzling smile.

'Fancy a little sugar?' he said, attempting to make his voice sound deeper than it actually was.

'Mr Malfoy, I am nine years older than you, do you really think I'd be interested in a shrimp like you?'

'Are you?' Draco fluttered his eyelashes.

'NO! Now leave me alone.' Said Jacey angrily.

Draco edged closer to her, unknown to him, but he was treading into dangerous territory.

'If you know what's good for you, you'll go _away_.' Growled Jacey.

'And what's good for me?' Said Draco, now right next to her.

Jacey took a step back and gave a well-aimed kick into Dracos', ahem...pride and glory, shall we say? Jacey smiled and jumped onto the counter, as Draco painfully stood upright and hobbled out of the room. _That_ showed him!

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Severus was now back on his bed, reading a very interesting article about Mandragora. There was a scuffling sound just outside the door, the piece of parchment was lowered, as two, glittering, black eyes peeked over the top. 'Enter.'

The door swung open, and Draco Malfoy hobbled in. 'Jacey-ouch...lots-hurting!' Draco collapsed on the floor, in a ball, his eyes watering.

'Mr Malfoy, May I ask why you are in my room?' Severus asked in a bored tone. He threw Draco a healing potion and waited for his student to drink it. Draco sat up on the floor and said; 'I'm sleeping in here too.'

'If you _are_ sleeping in here, then, you'll be sharing a bed with Miss Moor.' Dracos' eyes widened in fright, and he scrambled out of the room, leaving behind, a smirking Snape. He'd finally got rid of that Malfoy brat. But it left _ALOT_ of explaining to Jacey and Cammie. Draco wouldn't want to sleep with the Gryffindors, and he thought that Severus was sleeping with Cammie, so that left Jacey, who wouldn't be pleased, oh well, life was never fair...Severus contemplated reading his book again, but he would only be interrupted, so, he placed the Article on his bed-side cabinet. He looked around the room, it was filthy, oh well, he shook his head, and stretched out on his bed. Severus Snape seldom needed sleep. Four hours could get him through a normal school day. He would lie awake for hours, thinking...just thinking. Thought always helped Severus calm down. He was a logical person, who never let people see the real him. He tended to keep to himself, no one could tell how he would react to anything. The only person who had seen through his tough exterior was Cammie. She had developed a fondness for him, which no one understood...except Severus. She had had parents like his. They had the same personality. But, over the years, Cammie had grown to like Jacey's company, even if she wasn't sure at first. But whenever they were separate for any amount of time, Cammie would go back to her original personality. She only trusted those who she could read. And she could only read four people. Albus, Minerva, Jacey and Severus himself. Cammie saw him as a best friend. Cammie had a gift of astrology and reading signs where others couldn't. Like the shape of a shadow would indicate the weather for the next week. Cammie never really showed anyone her gift, if she saw something, she'd merely glance at it, and file it away for later analysis. As Severus thought of the past few years, he fell into a light sleep for the first time.

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Downstairs, Cammie, Hermione and Neville were now talking about the different episodes of Trisha, Cammie had an idea, stood, muttered 'reparo', and watched the TV repair itself. She smiled as Hermione and Neville sank into the couch, then walked into the Kitchen. Jacey was talking seriously to a light in the ceiling.

'What're you doing?'

'I'm speaking to the camera.' Replied Jacey.

'That's not a camera, it's a light...' Cammie arched an eyebrow, and, whilst Jacey was examining the LIGHT, went upstairs. She paused...it was silent, which, any normal person would associate with silence, but with Cammie and Severus, it was often not the case. Nevertheless, they both respected each other's will for peace and so, acted upon it. Cammie walked along the small passage in silence, occasionally hearing the TV, which became too loud for Cammie, who put up silencing charms on her, and Severus' door. She stepped inside, and quietly closed the door. As she turned around, Cammie was surprised to see her old potions professor asleep, this was a rarity, were was that Creevey kid when you needed him? Cammie walked over to where Severus was sleeping, he was usually a light sleeper, so, Cammie placed afew sleeping charms around him, and began to take his black, buckled shoes off. She decided to keep his socks on, for the good of mankind, and removed his cloak, which she folded neatly, and placed on his cabinet, pausing to move the piece of parchment. One glance told Cammie, that Severus was catching up on his reading again. Did that man _ever_ stop reading? Mandrakes...a new potion had been discovered, if you took it before handling a mandrake, it would make you temporarily deaf, but their was no set limit, so the potion could be active between one minute, to three months. The parchment was placed tenderly on top of the black material, and Cammie sat down on the other side of her Professors bed, she lay down and listened to the silence, as her spells had blocked out the sound downstairs. Cammie looked at the sleeping form of Severus, and quickly, undid the spells, before chasing her own thoughts in her head, and eventually falling asleep.


	3. It just got worse

A/N: I'd just like to say, that their WILL be comedy coming up, I just want to make this last long, keep reading and you'll love it! There will be more cute moments like the sleeping scene. Stay tuned, chow!

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'Shhh, don't, you'll wake them!'

Cammies brain kick-started, she could hear familiar voices. Cammie acted as though she was still asleep, desperate to hear what was going on.

'Yeah! Then we can get this-this-this_ mess_ sorted out!' That was definitely Jaceys voice.

'I've already told you, Professor Snape said that I was going to sleep with you and-'

'I DON'T CARE WHAT _PROFESSOR SNAPE_ SAID, OK? I'M SICK OF YOUR WHINNING, HERMIONE AND NEVILLE ARE GLUED TO THE TV, AND THESE TWO ARE SLEEPING IN _THE SAME BED!_ AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS KEPT THEIR SANITY SINCE ENTERING THIS SHED?' Screamed Jacey.

'You didn't have any sanity to begin with.' Said Cammie, groggy with sleep. Her friend started, the boy, who was apparently Draco, gave a small scream. The mattress behind Cammie, twitched slightly. She turned around to see a sharp-eyed Snape. His lips were pulled into an unpleasant shape. He wasn't happy. A deep rumbling sound was coming from his throat. 'GET OUT OFF MY BED!' he roared. No, he _definitely wasn't _happy. Cammie jumped out, onto the wooden floor, shrieked with the shock of the temperature, and hopped back onto the mattress. 'I SAID GET OFF!' roared Snape again. This time, it looked like he was fighting with himself not to curse, her, which lets face it, he couldn't do, having only a fake wand in his grip. Cammie turned to face Severus, and raised an eyebrow. 'Please.' He added through gritted teeth, looking as if he would very much love to strangle her. Cammie chose to ignore this, and calmly got off the bed, walked two paces, and sat on the other one.

'WHAT WERE YOU DOING?' screeched Jacey. Cammie winced, as the high voice cut through her, like nails on glass. Jacey rarely saw Cammies other 'side', when she tended to act like a double of Snape, but it was always there, in her eyes. 'Eyes are the windows to the soul.' Said Cammie, when Jacey had said she had Snape-eyes.

Cammie glared at her friend, it was enough to silence her. Then said, 'I would prefer not to tell you, the only one who has any right to know, is Severus, and I highly doubt that he would want _you_ to know, soz. What were you talking about before we woke up anyway?' Cammie skilfully diverted the subject, as only she or Snape could.

'Oh! Well, _Severus_ here, told Draco that he was sleeping with me, so, Malfoy then decides that Hermione and Neville MUST be sleeping in the same bed, 'cause 'they're Gryffindors', and that left you and Snape. I needed to check, 'cause there is NO way I will sleep with _this_ shrimp.'

'Hey! I'm not a shrimp!'

'Mr Malfoy, _EVERYONE _knows you're a shrimp. Deal with it.' Came the clear voice of the Potions Professor. He looked around at the students assembled in the room. His eyes landed on Cammies, who's back suddenly straightened. Snape had entered her mind.

_Would you mind_

_Nope_ came Cammies voice.

It was settled. Severus turned to face Draco and Jacey, as he broke the spell.

'Yes Mr Malfoy, you are sleeping with M-Jacey, Miss Granger and Longbottom are sleeping together, and, me and Cammie will be sleeping together.

Jacey had instantly forgiven Severus for the arrangements, when he had used her First name. It was only the second time he had used it. This really meant something to Jacey.

She grinned, waved her wand, and packed Dracos things away.

From in the Kitchen, they could hear the chime of the clock, signalling that it was 11am. The house was silent, when, there were two loud _cracks_. Fred and George were standing infront of the four contestants, each wearing identical grins on their faces.

'Good day! I hope you're having a good time!' Said Fred.

'It's been spiffing at Hogwarts! All the school's watching! Even Trelawney! But then again, she doesn't know that her crystal ball is actually a camera. She thinks she's seeing the future!' giggled George.

Snape and Cammie both raised an eyebrow each. Silently questioning.

'Oh! You must be wondering why we're here,' Snape stepped over to Cammie, and sat carefully, next her on the bed. 'Well, we've got your first task!' Fred let the sentence hang, he clearly wasn't getting the reaction he'd imagined. There was an awkward silence, in which George hummed. Fred continued, a little unnerved. 'I'm just gonna get the other house mates.' The tall Weasley bolted out of the room, clearly longing for freedom.

'Well...this is...nice...' George made a desperate stab at conversation.

'It's a dump, Mr Weasley.' Stated Snape.

'Soz George, but I have to agree.' Cammie mumbled.

'Ok, I-' A scream sounded from downstairs. Cammie, Snape and Jacey bolted out of the room, leaving Draco with the Weasley.

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'Come on Hermione, please...it's only gonna be for a minute. You can watch this thing later.'

'Fred, Hermione and me would love to join you upstairs...just let us watch the end of Trisha.' Neville said kindly.

'Now really, what type of programme could possibly be _so_ addictive?' Fred leaned forward to peer over Hermione and Nevilles' heads. 'I'm sorry, but it has to be done. Incendio!' A ball of fire shot out of Freds' wand, and blew up the TV, once more. Hermione turned around, menacingly. Neville screamed. 'WHY!!!!' Hermione screeched. Steps sounded from the stairs. From the archway, leading into the hallway, three silhouettes appeared. Hermione lunged over the back of the sofa, and landed on Freds' shoulders. Her nails were digging into his scalp, and her eyes were streaming. Neville ran around the sofa and tackled Cammie. Severus and Jacey exchanged looks, and sighed. Jaceys' wand was raised and the fighting ceased immediately.

'_Why does this keep happening?'_ she questioned.

Severus strode forward and smirked, he folded his arms infront of him, and observed the scene infront of him.

'Release them, Miss Moor.' He ordered.

Jaceys' wand fell to her side. The growing grin had disappeared, her eyes were focused on Severus. 'My name, is _Jacey!'_ She hissed through gritted teeth.

Severus rolled his eyes, and turned around to face the young woman.

'Jacey, release them.' He fixed her with a piercing stare.

'FINE!' Jacey flicked her wand and threw herself down onto the sofa.


	4. A little singing never hurt anyone

'You what?' This time it was Jacey asking the question.

'Sentry Duty…isn't that were you stay awake all night?' asked Draco. At the Weasley's nods, he quickly became a quivering wreck. 'NO! MY PRECIOUS BEAUTY SLEEP! I CAN'T DO WITHOUT MY 12 HOUR NAP! AND WHAT ABOUT MY BLACK HEADS'-BE-GONE FACE MASK? NOOOO!' and with that, Draco ran out of the room, catching a slap around the head from Hermione. She was still growling.

'Erm, ok then, anyway, after that, you will each be given a voting card, you must tick the person that you want to be evicted…all clear?' George was being given glares from the remaining five contestants.

'Ok, we'll just be leaving, bye!' Cammie caught a wink off Fred, as the twins' disapperated with 2 loud pops.

Severus released his hold of Hermione, who immediately ran over to Neville, Jacey helped her friend off the floor, and a loud burst of screaming could be heard from one of the rooms upstairs.

'Severus, any plans to pass the time?' called Cammie.

'Read, learn something useful for once.' he answered dryly.

Cammie smirked. 'Karaoke?' Jacey nodded. Severus growled as he stalked over to a small table, situated next to a window. He extended his hand, and waited patiently for his piece of parchment (on mandragora) to fly down the stairs, and into his grasp. (Wandless magic! It _is_ possible!) He settled down in his corner and began to read.

'Gryffindors!' Jacey sang. Hermione and Neville skidded infront of the two women.

'Settle down children!' said Cammie sweetly.

'And a one, and a two, and a one, two three-'

'WAIT...song?'

'A Queen classic of course!' Beamed Cammie.

Jacey smiled insanely and began to strike a beat on her stomach.

'And you're rushing headlong! You got a new goal!' she yelled.

'And you're rushing headlong, outta control!' countered Cammie.

'And you think you're so strong, but their ain't no stopping and theirs nothing you can do about it!' They hollered together, thoroughly intent on annoying Severus.

'Nothing you can do-'

'No theirs nothing you can do about it!' Sang Hermione and Neville, the newly recruited background singers.

'No theirs nothing you can do, no theirs nothing you can _DO_ about it!' All four of them sand, watching the Potions master narrow his eyes.

'And you're rushing headlong! You got a new goal! And you're rushing headlong, outta control! And you think you're so strong, but their ain't no stopping, and theirs nothing you can do about it!'

Draco took it upon himself, at this moment in time, to slide down the banister, screaming 'YEAH!' and playing the air guitar.

Severus looked up, his face contorted-_scary!_

'Hey! He used to be a man with a stick in his hand.'

'Hoop diddy diddy, hoop diddy doo!'

'She used to be a woman with a hotdog stand!'

The five singers grinned, and began winking at Snape, who was slowly standing up.

'Hoop diddy diddy, hoop diddy doo!'

'SHUT UP!' He snapped. Disjointed singing, faltered to a stand-still.

'Yeah!' screamed Jacey.

'Shut up! Don't wanna hear your voice,'

'Shut up!'

'Won't listen to the noise. Theirs nothing you can say to me, to change the way I am-'

'Stop it.' Snape took an intimidating step forward. Draco hid behind Jacey, who just rolled her eyes.

'LIKE A BAT OUTTA HELL!' screeched Neville. Nobody joined in…all was still.

'Now, if you wish to sing, please take it upstairs. And don't 'sing' so loud!' Severus sneered.

'Okey Dokey!' Hermione grinned insanely, before sprinting over to the stairs, beckoning Neville to follow her.

Jacey turned away from Snape and stalked off, heading to the stairs as well. Draco trotting after her like a lost puppy.

'See ya later Severus.' Whispered Cammie, before joining the growing convoy.

Snape watched them until they disappeared from view, scowling to himself. He was the only person who acted remotely sensible in a house…no SHED, in the company of three Gryffindors, one 24, and two Slytherins. Any other person would think this Ok, but in Severus' mind, one was the most annoying person he'd every met, and the other…well, she was a prankster, and ex-pupil, new him almost as well as he new himself, and, at times, could be frighteningly neurotic.

Severus shook himself roughly, and turned back to his reading.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a brightly lit corner of Diagon Alley, stood the Weasleys' Wizarding Weeze Headquarters. Inside, Fred and George sat, (in the attic) watching half a dozen monitors, crying with laughter, popcorn buckets perched on the arms of their chairs.

'Oh my God! 'Like a bat out of Hell?' Brilliant!' Sniggered Fred.

'Let's salute our mentors' dear brother!'

The twins stood, cheering Cammie and Jacey.

'Good one girls! Couldn't have done it better!'

'Say Fred, I have an idea,'

'What?' Fred gave his brother a quizzled look, as they fell back into their seats.

'Well, as the contestants views currently stand, I'm guessing that Malfoy's gonna go.'

'Right,'

'Right…BUT, not here's the ingenious thing. If Malfoy gets' the most votes, how about we drag Neville out?' George waited to hear his brothers' reply.

'We could…I mean, he's not exactly annoying anyone, and that's what people ant to watch, isn't it?' Annoying prats like Malfoy…yep, gotta stay.'

The Weasleys' gave each other high fives, before turning back to watch the monitors.

* * *

'So, how does this 'Black-heads-be-Gone' work exactly?' asked Hermione.

Draco sighed. 'I don't know…no one knows. The secret is Ministry-protected. There _is_ a theory though, that it contains an acidic toxin, found only on dragons living under water.'

'_REALLY?_' Hermione squealed excitedly.

'No, it's just my theory…do dragons really live under water?'

'No, idiot.' Hermione growled, pushing past Draco, and entering Cammie and Jacey's bedroom. The two women and Neville following, leaving Malfoy to trudge in lastly.

'So, whada we do now?' asked Jacey.

'Another prank.' Cammie smirked, as she (magically) produced a large trunk, which levitated in the air for a moment, before falling to the floor with a _thud._

'We, dear friends, are gonna become the Spice Girls!' and, following this, Cammie kicked open the trunk, revealing a large amount of strange and bizarre clothes, wigs, and shoes.

'I get Sporty!' yelled Cammie.

'Baby!' Came Jacey's voice.

'I'm gonna be Scary!' said Hermione quietly.

Neville and Draco stared at each other.

'Draco, seeing as you already are, you can be Posh, Neville, you get to be Ginger Spice!' The boys quickly directed their eyes to the ceiling.

'Oh come on. Be a bit more willing.' Moaned Jacey, quickly waving her wand, and suddenly wearing a short white dress.

'Yeah, you have to get in touch with your feminine side at some point in your lives!' Cammie was suddenly wearing trackies, with her black hair tied back.

'Well, I suppose-' muttered Neville.

'GREAT!'

With a wave of their wands, Cammie and Jacey managed to dress the two boys into the most hideous things imaginable.

Neville's eyes were on stalks as he tried to take in his outfit. His feet were painfully squashed into red shoes, sparkling, due to the amount of sequins glued onto them. He took an experimental step, squealing as he immediately fell over, landing on Cammie's feet. She gave him a quizzled look.

'Hmm, might have to work on the walking.' she muttered. Jacey waltzed over, and helped Neville up.

'Nice dress, if I do say so myself.' Neville looked down and yelped in shock. Wrapped around him was a red sequined dress, stopping short, just above his knees. As he grabbed at the hem, he let out another yelp, as he discovered red nail varnish smeared onto his ten digits.

Neville quickly ran over to a mirror, which was currently playing host to one of Dracos' cat-walk twirls. Perched hap-hazardly on Neville's' head, was an extremely frizzy wig, and on his ears, hung strange clip-on chandeliers of some kind.

Next to him, Draco was becoming slightly mad at his reduced twirling space. This problem was quickly rectified, as a pirouette preceded a savage kick, aimed at Neville's ribs. The poor Gryffindor (alarmingly) sailed through the air, and landed somewhere in the background, with a dull 'thud'.

Back at the mirror, Draco was examining his new-found 'feminine side', hands on hips, checking to see if his bum looked big in his dress. A short (_very_ short) black dress, high-heeled shoes, which laced up all the way up to the knee, had taken over Draco's legs. Many rings adorned his fingers, and on his head, was a wig, of shoulder-length, black hair. The Slytherin practiced a pout in the mirror.

'So...what am I singing?'

'_We_ are singing…err…Cammie?'

Cammie finished her _evil_ glare at Draco, before turning to face Jacey. 'Spice up your Life?'

'Fine by me!' giggle Hermione.

'Ok, Neville?'

'I'm fine.' Came the muffled response.

'Right, let's think up a dance routine, Jacey, you can do that. I'll teach the words…Severus is gonna love this!'

* * *

_Sorry I've not updated for ages! I hope the upcoming chapters and stories make up for it. Thanks to all the people who have reviewed. Now it's your turn. please R&R. Bye!_


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